We occupy what we claim is the biggest campus in the world, and most of it is forest. So, I started the school Candlebark near Romsey in Victoria, which is now in its 13th year, and which is a wonderful place to be. The article was published, and from then on there was no looking back. I sat there looking at it and thinking, "Do I want to put this in the article? Because if I do, I'm committed." And I thought, "Well, I'm 58 and if I don't do this soon then it'll be too late." The article was very long and they were paying me at the rate of a dollar a word, and I was halfway through and running out of things to say and I wrote the line, "Next year I'm starting my own school." I was in the middle of writing an article for The Age about what schools needed. I finally thought, "The only way I can do this is to make enough money to do it myself."Īnd the day did come when I had made enough money from writing to do it. ( ABC News: Dave May) 'Next year I'm starting my own school'Īll through my teenage and adult years, I kept wondering what a good school would look like and how you could make a school good, and I made a few tentative attempts to start a school but they didn't work out. Marsden claims Candlebark has the "biggest campus in the world". It was the change in my life that was more significant than any other. I left there with a new language and an ability to understand things in a new way, which I'm still working on. I had no language for feelings and I could barely understand what the question meant when they'd say, "How did you feel when that happened?" I would sit there gazing at them blankly and they would say, "Well, it sounded like you felt angry from the way you behaved." And I'd say, "Yeah, I guess I was angry." I was really illiterate, emotionally, and that was a product of family and school. It was a period of great growth, and I really look back on it with gratitude. And I didn't have faith in it, but I thought I should at least give it a go, so I took myself off to a psychiatrist and began a new chapter in my life.Ī lot of people can have negative experiences with psychiatry, but it wasn't like that for me. I knew some people had tried psychiatry, and this was meant to be a wonderful new science that was capable of changing people's lives.
I was suicidal and seriously contemplating bringing it all to an end, but I had enough logical thinking left in me to think, "Well, maybe I should try everything before I do that." If you or anyone you know needs help: I was in a pretty desperate situation, working as a cleaner while all my friends prospered in their uni courses.
It was a very lonely and disturbing time, and I got more and more emotionally ill, and went to see a counsellor eventually who suggested I discontinue the course and seek professional help, so I did both of those things. When I got there, I found it alienating and so huge that I couldn't connect with anything or anyone. I went to university because it was just the expected thing to do. ( ABC News: Dave May) 'No language for feelings' John Marsden calls himself "a bit of a hoarder" and has kept every letter ever sent to him. It was like the world had turned upside down, been shaken violently, and I didn't know what was likely to emerge. It was exhilarating, but it was also terrifying. Within 40 seconds, I suddenly thought, "Maybe there isn't a God and maybe the school isn't right and maybe my parents aren't perfect." I was standing by the lockers one afternoon, just loading my bag, and it was like a lightning bolt struck me and electricity sparks went off in my brain. Something in me was determined not to accept authoritarian mindless rules and people who acted in bullying and thoughtless ways. I defied every rule and regulation and spent an awful lot of time being caned, lectured or punished. When I went to secondary school, I got in endless trouble. I never felt safe and that was as true at home as it was at school. I think the reason I connect with young people is that my own adolescence was so troubled. Tomorrow, When the War Began was adapted for film in 2010.